When the Fun Runs Out
A Late Start and Early Chaos
December 20, 2025 began with the kids waking up before we did—which is rarely a good sign. More movement. More noise. More mess. Less supervision than I would've liked, mostly because we were running on barely four hours of sleep.
We eventually got up around 8:30 and pushed through the morning routine as best we could. Breakfast, clothes, gathering everyone and everything we needed for the day ahead. It wasn't easy. Nothing about the morning felt calm or efficient.
Still, we had plans. Big ones.
When an Event Isn't Really an Event
We headed out to the first Christmas even with good intentions. Once we arrived, it became clear it was mostly a toy giveaway—and while that's generous, the wait was long. Very long. Long enough that the kids grew bored before anything even started.
There was a playground on site, so we let them burn off some energy for a bit before deciding to move on. Standing in line for who-knows-how-long didn't feel worth it, especially with restless kids and a full day ahead.
On the way to the next stop, we grabbed McDonald's. Eve covered it—a small thing, but it felt surprisingly nice not to always be the one paying. My daughter barely ate, as usual, while the other kids finished their food and still seemed hungry. I don't understand how some kids eat so well. I've never been able to get mine to.
A Better Moment, Finally
The next event—Winter Wonderland—was worth it.
We parked a little ways away and walked together. The kids spent nearly an hour doing arts and crafts before meeting Santa and Mrs. Claus. We took photos. Made memories. Let the moment be what it was.
At one point, Eve was holding what felt like five wet crafts sprawled across her arms, looking a bit like a scarecrow. I took a picture. It was unintentionally perfect.
That hour felt lighter. Easier. The kind of memory you hope the day will be built around.
Adjusting the Plan
On the way to the last event, concerns came up about needing to help prepare a house back home. We passed the final stop—it looked small anyway—and decided to call it.
Back at her place, the kids played outside while I helped where I could. I did some dishes and encouraged Eve to rest. She said she would. She didn't.
I wanted to do more, but exhaustion had finally caught up to me. I rested on the couch instead, knowing my limits.
Eventually, we headed back to my house. The kids played some more, and then something unexpected happened.
A Date I Didn't See Coming
Eve suggested we go on a date—and that she would pay.
That almost never happens.
After figuring out logistics, we went. Sonny's BBQ. Coincidentally, we both knew our waitress. Small world moments like that usually make me smile.
But during the date, something settled heavy in me.
A Hard Realization
Throughout the day, I became increasingly aware that Eve had been leaning on something to get through it. By the time we were out together, it was no longer subtle. She wasn't fully present—and hadn't been for a while.
I found myself asking questions I didn't want to ask.
Can she slow down enough to be here with me?
Does she need something extra just to get through the day—or to spend time together?
It's not something I'm equipped to keep navigating around. I can handle a lot. I always have. But this feels like a line I can't keep stepping over.
At some point, clarity replaces patience.
Drawing a Line, Quietly
When I dropped Eve off, I asked for a "goodbye hug." That's my unusual way of framing it—but this one felt heavier than usual.
This may have been a goodbye.
Not because I don't care—but because I do.
I can't stay if nothing changes. I won't compete with something that's slowly taking up all the space. Slowing down isn't a punishment—it's a boundary. And if that boundary can't exist, then neither can I.
The Day Ends Where It Must
I went home and fell asleep early. No late-night processing. No overthinking.
I was done—for the day, and for the noise in my head.
Life has felt too chaotic lately. Too full. Too loud.
Tonight, all I could do was rest.
What I'm Sitting With
I'm sitting with the truth that love doesn't mean endurance without limits.
That caring sometimes means stepping back.
That exhaustion is a signal, not a weakness.
Tomorrow doesn't need decisions yet.
But something needs to change.